I trampled over an old friend's blog. One whom we never met again, or speak much, after living in the same room for 4 months together 5 years ago.
Because of this fact, I feel intrusive to simply pick up the phone or msn or even the random comment on the blog to tell her this, but I feel for you too.
Reading her past few entries were like deja vu to me. There were one too many times that I felt I was never going to ever, ever be okay again. I will never live my life not remembering how painful those feelings are. That it will never heal.
And it never heals completely. It never will. I don't think I will be able to live my life and pretend that part of my life never exist. The feeling comes back and you feel the hurt and pain again and you sometimes cry over it. My partner has learned to accept that this pain has made me who I am now, and he lives with it, and lived through it before as well, like many others. But it can only turn better. It will become better.
Have a little faith, and let time tell. It will.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Money woes
Having the feeling of lottery with the 00005 without actually winning the moolahs but suddenly sinking into a more than 300k loan is no joke. On top of that, all I think about is my kitchen where to put my dining table should i buy a top or front load washing machine what tiles for the floor of the living room dark laminated flooring for the room and are we going to knock the kitchen door down?
Besides, I have a more than full time job that sucks up my time and energy. So, it is quite a lot to handle.
I almost forgot. I have to concurrently think about the dress and the venue.
Haiyo. What a blissful problem I have.
Besides, I have a more than full time job that sucks up my time and energy. So, it is quite a lot to handle.
I almost forgot. I have to concurrently think about the dress and the venue.
Haiyo. What a blissful problem I have.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
For the lack of updates
Life has been about settling back down. Left Singapore after coming back for 3 days to a extended holiday in Thailand with Jason, who I hope is doing well in London now. Job search was a quickie - when I came back I knew there was only 2 ways for me to head - Banking or Recruiting. I went to 2 different recruitment firm, chose one, and my life back in Singapore started for real.
Looking back at the chances I have given up - to live in another city, continue to lead this traveller's lifestyle, I guess it will be impossible to say that nope there is no regrets. You always look back and feel envious of the life you could have had. But there is just too many 'what-ifs' in my life.
It was fun but because you knew it wasn't permanent - and so it is hard to feel it to take ownership of it to be part of it. I am just a soul in a big city I do not belong to. Sure I have fun, sure I think it's a great city, but the lack of commitment brings about too, a lack of belonging.
But at least I am not lost now. I have found my direction. It's not really a calling, but it is something I have confidence to do well and build my life around. I don't like to settle for mediocrity. I don't need to be the golden girl, but I cannot be like everyone else.
And of course, since he is stuck here. I sort of have to stick around. I don't mind.
Looking back at the chances I have given up - to live in another city, continue to lead this traveller's lifestyle, I guess it will be impossible to say that nope there is no regrets. You always look back and feel envious of the life you could have had. But there is just too many 'what-ifs' in my life.
It was fun but because you knew it wasn't permanent - and so it is hard to feel it to take ownership of it to be part of it. I am just a soul in a big city I do not belong to. Sure I have fun, sure I think it's a great city, but the lack of commitment brings about too, a lack of belonging.
But at least I am not lost now. I have found my direction. It's not really a calling, but it is something I have confidence to do well and build my life around. I don't like to settle for mediocrity. I don't need to be the golden girl, but I cannot be like everyone else.
And of course, since he is stuck here. I sort of have to stick around. I don't mind.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
The Heathrow nightmare
2 hours prior to boarding my London-Doha flight, I was ready to rave about how great my experience at Heathrow had been.
I arrived without much fuss, many thanks to dear Cui for accompanying me on the tube. There was NO QUEUE at the check in counter, my baggage was 27.6kg, not overweight as I feared, and apart from the usual expected fuss (and queue within reason) for the liquids (I even had to do a liquid testing, which didn’t take a lot of time and in a weird way, quite cool) and shoes check, it was quite a breeze really. The final bits as I started my 20 mins walk to my gate and there was a buggy offered to me for my gate thanks to some nice old people, I couldn’t believe my luck! I was thinking, wow, thank you Heathrow, for making my England exit such a pleasant one.
And then it hit. They announced my flight will be delayed for approximately ½ hour – no drama. So I said there patiently with my Nick Hornby book and Glamour magazine. ½ hour later, they said the delay will be much longer – the flight had problems and they are not running the plane but wait for the next one to arrive in LHR and fly that one instead, so it’d take off at 1930 instead of 1505.
The rage. I knew I was going to miss my connecting flight to Singapore and there is only one flight per day, which means I will be stuck in Doha for a day. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I was with someone, but I’m all alone! Stuck in the Middle East all by myself for 24 hours?!
I spent the £10 refreshment voucher at the Japanese restaurant where the sushi was so badly made it doesn’t hold itself and falls apart when I pick it up with the chopsticks. Anyway, four hours later I board the plane, watched 2 movies in a row, slept for 2 hours and got to Doha.
Nothing of the promised ‘the ground staffs in Doha will know exactly what to do Madam’ was really felt when I arrived. We queued for ages, but finally got sent to a hotel.
The room is really NICE. I’m not going to ignore the fact that missing my flight back home pisses me off big time, but the fact that I’m in a swanky hotel in the middle of the West Bay Area (whatever that means) of the centre of Doha does help a little. I’ve got a fantastic huge flat screen Samsung TV and I’ve been channel surfing since. I think the wireless internet should have been free, but besides that, everything was great, like the three free meals had been great.
So I checked in at 6 in the morning, had some breakfast, and slept through till two, had a nice warm bath, went to the restaurant for lunch, had a walk around (literally one round around the hotel). There is just NOTHING in Doha. Well, nothing around that round around my hotel, at least. It is so warm, at least 35 degrees of dry heat, and so after 5 minutes I was ready to go back to my big luxurious king size bed and four pillows. Zoned out after being on the computer for a while before my new found friend who also got stranded in Doha with me came to my room and woke me up for dinner.
It’s 5 to 9 now and my bath is running as I am typing this (it's not real time as I posted it later). I’m going to enjoy my second and last bath (for a while) before getting ready to be picked up by the airport transfer at half 10.
I’m glad my Doha (or what I made of it) hasn’t been as nightmarish as I’ve imagined it to be. I’m refreshed and ready for tomorrow, although my biological clock was knocking my head asking what I am doing to my own body.
So yes people, I’ve actually been to the Middle East, with a stamp to prove it. Not a lot of people can do that, right? (Okay shut up Dubai).
I arrived without much fuss, many thanks to dear Cui for accompanying me on the tube. There was NO QUEUE at the check in counter, my baggage was 27.6kg, not overweight as I feared, and apart from the usual expected fuss (and queue within reason) for the liquids (I even had to do a liquid testing, which didn’t take a lot of time and in a weird way, quite cool) and shoes check, it was quite a breeze really. The final bits as I started my 20 mins walk to my gate and there was a buggy offered to me for my gate thanks to some nice old people, I couldn’t believe my luck! I was thinking, wow, thank you Heathrow, for making my England exit such a pleasant one.
And then it hit. They announced my flight will be delayed for approximately ½ hour – no drama. So I said there patiently with my Nick Hornby book and Glamour magazine. ½ hour later, they said the delay will be much longer – the flight had problems and they are not running the plane but wait for the next one to arrive in LHR and fly that one instead, so it’d take off at 1930 instead of 1505.
The rage. I knew I was going to miss my connecting flight to Singapore and there is only one flight per day, which means I will be stuck in Doha for a day. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I was with someone, but I’m all alone! Stuck in the Middle East all by myself for 24 hours?!
I spent the £10 refreshment voucher at the Japanese restaurant where the sushi was so badly made it doesn’t hold itself and falls apart when I pick it up with the chopsticks. Anyway, four hours later I board the plane, watched 2 movies in a row, slept for 2 hours and got to Doha.
Nothing of the promised ‘the ground staffs in Doha will know exactly what to do Madam’ was really felt when I arrived. We queued for ages, but finally got sent to a hotel.
The room is really NICE. I’m not going to ignore the fact that missing my flight back home pisses me off big time, but the fact that I’m in a swanky hotel in the middle of the West Bay Area (whatever that means) of the centre of Doha does help a little. I’ve got a fantastic huge flat screen Samsung TV and I’ve been channel surfing since. I think the wireless internet should have been free, but besides that, everything was great, like the three free meals had been great.
So I checked in at 6 in the morning, had some breakfast, and slept through till two, had a nice warm bath, went to the restaurant for lunch, had a walk around (literally one round around the hotel). There is just NOTHING in Doha. Well, nothing around that round around my hotel, at least. It is so warm, at least 35 degrees of dry heat, and so after 5 minutes I was ready to go back to my big luxurious king size bed and four pillows. Zoned out after being on the computer for a while before my new found friend who also got stranded in Doha with me came to my room and woke me up for dinner.
It’s 5 to 9 now and my bath is running as I am typing this (it's not real time as I posted it later). I’m going to enjoy my second and last bath (for a while) before getting ready to be picked up by the airport transfer at half 10.
I’m glad my Doha (or what I made of it) hasn’t been as nightmarish as I’ve imagined it to be. I’m refreshed and ready for tomorrow, although my biological clock was knocking my head asking what I am doing to my own body.
So yes people, I’ve actually been to the Middle East, with a stamp to prove it. Not a lot of people can do that, right? (Okay shut up Dubai).
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Giving a shit
It's all about whether one is deserving of it or not.
The level of happiness and quality of life has nothing to do with responsibility towards others. One should never step on another's head, especially when they have once lent a shoulder to step on to lift you up.
Escapist is so yesteryear.
The level of happiness and quality of life has nothing to do with responsibility towards others. One should never step on another's head, especially when they have once lent a shoulder to step on to lift you up.
Escapist is so yesteryear.