Tuesday, February 28, 2006

I really fking want to sleep can. TMD WHEN IS MY BLOODY CHEQUE COMING?

What do you get for keeping me here? To use the computer? For what?

I really really really just


Curtain falls

I should mark this day as a date of considerable significance. Afterall, it's the day I leave for my first trip abroad across the continents alone to the "big unknown", the day I leave my first real job and join the ranks of the unemployed, the day you and I promise to close this chapter.

Would we, really?

I'm so amused in a sad sad way at the thought of how we would probably act at the airport, because it is not just the two weeks. And my parents will most likely be telling each other on the drive back,

"xiao one leh 2 of them. so hard to be apart then still let her go alone. she go thailand 4 mths also never lidat."

Waiting for the HR to call me to get my cheque so that I can request to go off earlier. I'm deleting away all the pictures I've stored in this comp, all the music, and everything that has made this computer me for a bit.

I remembered the bet we had on who will leave first. I first thought it would be Jo, then me, then Bok. Then I changed my mind a few months back and thought it will be me, then Bok, then Jo. But in the end, it was Bok who left first.

The gap between my desk and Jo's makes it kinda weird. I stare at the photo stuck to the wall we took a few months back and contemplated using a marker to strike a huge X over those who have left.

And realise that there are 2 people in the front row and 6 at the back. All 6 back rows are gone.
And now the department strength is 3.

I never thought I wouldn't have anything to miss at work. But I am quite wrong. There is nothing worth remembering, or missing, really.

Kinda suck that I'm feeling sick with cold and all. Bad way to travel. And I think of the long haul flight I want to faint already.

But it will be fun. I'm quite sure. For the worried sicks, sms me at my mum's no. 96910649 cos I'd be carrying her phone there. Don't call me please, unless in absolute emergency. Even then, I wun pick up unless you scream pick the bloody phone up. I will try to write and internet sms home.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Motorbike taxis

Never mind the amount of carbon monoxide I had to breathe in, the layer of black soot that graced my face, the itchy irritation my eye had to suffer or the fact that I did nearly fall off once - and did it all in my very short mini skirt...

The exhilirating thrill of weaving through the typical Bangkok style jammed packed road wearing a helmet only fit for Larry's headspins and skaterbois through the smallest smallest gaps and onto the pedestrian walkway was fun enough. Let's not mention how quickly I managed to reach my destination, and oh yes the very illegal go up the curb right at a flyover to do such an offensive U turn against the traffic to get to where I wanted to go - Platinum Mall - the new MBK, but the very cheap thrill fact that you hate me to ride on it and now there is no one that can stop me from it.

Such self denial, but the feel good factor at that very moment - yummy.

So much so that I did it again for the kicks the next day - and I got the same guy to ride me there! How cool is that.

Bangkok, my Orchard Road.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Everything I imagine about you is just beautiful, too beautiful.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Embracing me / Probably the worst "tell me about you" to say in interviews

I am ordinary. More ordinary than I'd like to be. I have a degree, but so does half of my other friends. And it doesn't say much about me neither. I may have majored in finance, but I don't know how to hedge. Or tell you the difference between swaps and futures. I never read the economist, FT or even Business Times. I don't even have honours.

I don't have any natural talents, neither did I work hard to make any. I can read musical notes, but can't play the piano properly. I was in a band, but I can hardly say I was good at my instrument. I can sing without going off key (too often), can harmonise and am not tone deaf. But I don't sound good.

I'm not ugly, but I'm not pretty either.

I can inline skate, but I can't even do a T break. I can swim but not even freestyle.

The only thing different (different, not extraordinary, just different) is that I game, but gaming takes me off to the fantasy world away from the truth. And that is just a buffer that has kept me going. It's sweet to think that I am the only girl in the world that understands, but don't lie, I'm not the only one who plays.

I have never really contributed anything to my jobs. I may be good with people, but it's all crap. Truth is I'm absolutely replacable. I may have friends who love me, but I'm sure they can live without me. I may not be suicidal, or overwhelmingly depressed,

but all the same, I am just ordinary. Too ordinary.

Friday, February 10, 2006

I know that to be hired, it is more or less based on merits and the perceived value you can give to the company.

But at 4am instead of sleeping, or reading S's fantastic interview tip book, I'm washing off my nail polish off my fingernails because I'm worried that they will look at my nails and realised that I am so unkempt - nails growing out of the bottom of the nails already. I'm also thinking of puting a layer on, but if I do I will never get to sleep.

What I can't explain tho, is why I had to remove the nail colors on my toenails too. Since I will be wearing closed toes heels.

And because I couldn't make sense out of it, I removed only the colors of a few toes and decided it's too tiring.

Now, if they require me to do any form of exercise that requires me to take my shoes off (literally and gawd knows wth they are thinking about), I will just die.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

club nostalgia/ mIRC

I wonder how many of you had fond memories of this. Yes this mIRC thing which was like the biggest hit like 8 years ago. And it must have lasted for at least 2-3 years for me.

For me, it was never a #cybersex shit, nor some #singapore #teens and do some silly introductions

remember the standard

Not me. I actually got to know a whole bunch of crazy people who was as crazy as I was about band. We went for concerts together, chatted on the main channel night after night, buaya and kana buayaed. That was #band.

Some were nice, some were out to get girls, some were boring, some were friends for life.

So it is only when I met this old time friend who was also part of this elite group, and all the updates we tried to make of all those who kinda mattered, that I kinda recall how almost buaya I was at 16 17, counting the number of boys there were in my life.

Were you and XXX actually together?
XXX who?
Neh, that one that one loh.
Aiyo, don't rem how he look like
But he went to your place and fix your comp and all right? You guys went out alot what
Did we? Oh yah I think so. Yah he was tall. And he played the trombone. How does he look like? Was he cute? Can't remember leh.

And oh yah till death of internet do us part. Haha.

At that time, when you are one of the prominent figures, the moment you login, you will be greeted like old friends, get op-ed (Remember the @ in front of the nicks?) and it was such a happy thing.

Even though I was on dial up and I always lag (and I still always reply damn slow now) and chalked up too high bills when I was not on unlimited access. And then I used other's unlimited access to go online and then chalked up too much phone bills. I played it so often I don't even know how I managed to get into an okay JC.

I recalled my then bf even tried to check on me and used another nick to talk to me and see if I will flirt back. Heng I smart enough to check the /whois.

Remember how you compared your access list with others? If you can get access in your own school #, you are king of the world. People suck up to you to beg for access or ops. If you like them but not enough, you can give them a + in front of their nick, so their nicks rise up to the top but yet they cannot ban or kick people.

Such nostalgic memories. So silly to you who may be reading it and not understand. But how I wish all those people will get to read this. This shall remain very sweet memories of my adolescenthood.

And of all things, I'm listening to Dvorak Symphony No.8. How very very fitting for the atmosphere. Yah, third movement is damn nice.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

In light of my discussion with my partner in crime, in which we have decided that Feb 15th shalt be D-Date, I present you the song that is ringing in my head, and of which the lyrics rather right!

(If only I can type out the chorus part I'm humming while I type...)

The Final Countdown

We're leaving together
But still it's farewell
And maybe we'll come back
To earth, who can tell
I guess there is no one to blame
We're leaving ground (leaving ground)
Will things ever be the same again
It's the final countdown...
The final countdown
Ooh oh


The final countdown
Ooh oh
I'ts the final countdown
The final countdown
The final countdown (the final countdown)
It's the final countdown
We are leaving together
The final countdown

Template for THE letter is already up. Simply can't wait lah.