Saturday, April 20, 2013

my 5am with Emma

It's day 6 of me being a mother and so far the rewards have far exceeded the sacrifices. I can't seem to measure the rewards except the joy of seeing a miracle come to life unfolding in front of my eyes. How is it that I have created this beautiful creature - so perfect and beautiful who belongs to me. Her little nuances like being an escape artist - removing her hands from the tight swaddle, to her staring at big eyes at you - observing you, marking you as the single most important person in her life (at least for the time being). Her total reliance on you, and her old so cute little face, with the little mouth that resembles yours.

So on day 6 I got the 5am with you. You refused to sleep and your daddy cared for you from 3 till feeding time. You fed like a champ and had 3 big burps. You then proceed on to poop just as I was going to change your diaper, so I saved the diaper and allowed you to do your business. (Oh how wonder that life's successes are measured by poops, pees and burps) You are in my arms while I am typing with my other hand. You just escaped again from the swaddle, your little right hand in the usual boxing pose, your cute little face making involuntary squirmish actions, breaking into little half smiles, mouth half open, tongue sticking out, possibly dreaming about milk. Then you decided to wake up, and just content with staring into my face, as I did with yours.

I am just enjoying this precious 5am time with you, watching you grow, knowing I will never again enjoy a moment just like this, because you grow so quickly so fast and everyday is going to be so different.

I love you so much, my baby girl.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Life as a mummy day zero

Birth story

I started leaking some watery discharge which I wasn't too sure of nature for the past 2 days. To be in the side of precaution, we decided to go get it checked out in the middle of the night. We arrived at hospital at abt 3 in the morning.  After admissions and filling up registration, went to triage at 4.   Informed by nurse in triage that it was not the water bag that was broken, but my blood pressure was high - and it has never been throughout the whole pregnancy. I was at 4cm -2 station 70 effaced, and the on call doctor Dr Francz advised for me to be admitted and induced, since we have planned the induction on Thursday anyways. At 4.30 we got admitted to birthing ward 215. Contractions started and we wanted to discuss the possibility of not getting induced since labour has progressed. At  4.45 contractions were 5 - 6 mins apart. At 5.30 contractions were 4 - 5 mins apart and started getting painful, but bearable. At 6.30 contractions got to 3 - 4 mins apart and by  7.30 contractions 3 min apart, becoming unbearably painful especially in my lower back, where my old injury from the skating incident was. I asked myself if I can handle this pain for potentially the next 5 to 10 hours and the answer was no, so I requested for epi. At  8.15, the epi done. Finally I got some rest! I felt little to no contractions and slept till about 10, where my progress was checked and I was at 6 cm. The water bag was broken by the doctor at 10.30 in hope of speeding up the progress, and sure enough at 12.30 I was already 9.5 cm! My lower back pain came back even with the epi, and eventually at 1.25pm I was fully dilated! The nurse suggested for me to start the pushing with each lower back pain. And finally, at 2.04pm, after 40 minutes of pushing, Emma came to this world, delivered at 6 lbs 13 oz (3.1 kg), 20.5 inches tall, head 12.75 inch chest 12.5 inches.

I suffered some tears but it's healing okay. My baby girl is now 42 hours old and there is nothing I would change about the experience because everything was so worth it when you hold her in your arms for the first time, knowing this is the very thing you created, and protected from the world for 40 weeks and 3 days. This beautiful little girl who decided to come on her own terms, decide on her own birth date. Love you so much already. X

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Still counting down

Dear baby,

Your dad is like a little boy under the Christmas tree staring at the wrapped up present that he is not allowed to open. When are you going to relieve him of this agony?

Actually, your mummy isn't in a big hurry. She is not in pain, enjoying your (somewhat lessen) movement and just waddling around with a tummy. But unfortunately, due to our time constraint, we will need you to be out on the dot, if not earlier, even though we feel bad rushing you. Hopeful that we will not need to induce you out medically, will rather let you be ready yourself.

So do yourself a big favour and enjoy your last 4 (or less) days in mummy and we will see you soon in the real world okay?

With love,
mum xx