I am poor.

I've never felt poor before. Broke yes, but not poor.

Ironic right, feeling poor when I bring home $2000 a month.

But now I look at my bank account and just sigh.

I think of the money which people owe me, yet I too embarrassed to ask back.

Afterall, some of them are people closest to my heart and true enough, they need the money more than me.

And I feel guilty, guilty for feeling burdened. Guilty for asking. Knowing that they are even more embarrassed having to ask for help from me.

Why should I be whining over the bit of money?

How could I?

But I did. And now I feel so bad. But if I say, eh no need liao, then it's also very bad.

Surely I could still afford little trips, and buy the things I want. It's not as though I am begging on the streets, or living in misery.

But I look at my bank account and sigh. I've never felt this poor in my life. So poor that as much as I hate what I'm doing, I can't get out of it.

But I guess I'm feeling more miserable for being so calculative and feeling more guilt than the misery of being poor.