Ever so often I will chance upon some random blog of random people I met throughout my travels and read about their absolutely different bizarre lifestyle they have as compared to mine. Ever so often I will look back and wonder about all the what ifs, even though one of my favourite lines to tell people is that once you chose something bloody hell stick with it and stop wondering about the what ifs. Live with your decision and make it happen.

Like it is so easy.

I know that lots of people spent 3, 4 years overseas and should have 'immersed deeply' into the culture of wherever they have been. But experience has told me that many of them are living like a Singaporean with other Singaporeans (or Southeast Asians), just that they are somewhere else. So when these people return, they are not even really back to square one, because they have not left square one.

I don't wish to compare myself to them. I'm only saying this because some people wonder how a few months can affect one person this much. But it does.

How I am feeling now even though my travelling was all of 10 months before I came back to Singapore is that I am missing out on something I could have been doing. So many more exciting things. People who take 1 2 years off doing whatever they like, like Sandro, who is just climbing throughout North America, living in the desert, driving around in his beat up car but meeting so many awesome, wholesome bizarre people who gain so much spiritually and mentally living it up like that.

What am I missing in life?

I'm sorry, but it's hard not to feel this pang of loss even though I have the perfect relationship with you. It's just too bad that I've been 'out there' and its never the same again.

I'm here, still.