Monday, June 06, 2005

Transition: Varsity to nothing

How more exciting can my almost 23 years be? From a cute little baby, to a fearless fighter where I took my brother on WWF inspired, to peeing in my pants ( I mean pinafore) in Primary One, to joining the Social Studies Club in P4 because the boy I like was in it, to screwing up my PSLE and getting into a neighbourhood school because I played Sega 16 bit every single day (my bro screwed his O's too, so we're even), to looking like crap during the puberty period (all the wrong hair wrong specs wrong clothes in the world).

Then came the biggest dilemma in my life - Arts or Science in JC, getting involved with guys, with Band, and the beginning of the hobby which will last my whole life - Shopping.

Then to Uni, the meeting of new friends again, and again finding my one true love of a twin, God bless her, for she will have to stick around through many more years of my life. Came the fetish of coloring my hair - pink, orange, red, blonde, blonde, blonde, black, blue, brown. Learning about responsibilities and being involved in school activities for the first time. Getting the key, knowing how to drive, hating projects, loving projects.

Working and working and working. Feeling happy spending my own money, leaving on the jetplane over and over. Always excited over the next holiday. So, where next?

And now what.

Crossroads I have been, paths I have chosen. But it all were straight forward. How different would my decision be, if I took Science in JC? No biggie. And if I went to NUS Arts instead? No biggie too. Decisions big as it seem, it streamline you to the same place anyway.

Not now.

I am nothing.

I have nothing.

Somehow in time to come, a job will land at my feet and I will pick it up. Transition will be complete. But its disgusting, because while life ahead seems far more exciting because of the big unknown, I'm not exactly overly enthusiastic about it.

I'm not making any sense. But why do I need to?

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