I have to admit. Sometimes when I blog, certain entries I write is deliberately written for an ego trip. The way people try to subtly boast about certain things, like shaking their wrist to show off their watches.

But this post, is not an ego trip.

On the plane back from Barcelona, I was feeling slightly miserable at the thought of coming back to London, which 1. is cold, dark and gloomy now, 2. I have no job (yet) 3. I have no one significant to return to - no boy, no family.

Then once the plane taxi-ed I whipped out my phone and texted the people I now call friends. I text them, they replied and plans were made for the week.

I get home, checked my email and find out people are missing me.

Today this wonderful smart girl who was his friend who I now call MY friend, said

I love you. You're so much fun. You really deserve much better than him Hui.

It warmed my heart. I genuinely appreciated that. It wasn't even like oh yeah baby feel-good-factor 100%! And coming from someone who was on his side, who shared his side of the story, it meant a lot to me.

And then this other girl said

Yes that is so true. People tell you you are great, and you know it, but I think you're not sure. But you are, and that is why everyone at work loves you, for who you are. And I can see why you are so picky when it comes to boys now. You deserve to be picky anyway.

You'd probably be reading this. I can't say I'm sorry for writing this, and even if I did, you'd say don't be sorry. It's about time we come to terms with it. I didn't deserve those last few months. You knew what you did. I knew what you did. Don't say you were trying to protect me. It's too convenient. And adds to the romantic dramatic effect.

I don't hate you. I'd always love you. Like you'd always love me. For just who you are. Still.

Something great still came out of it all. You as a catalyst for my departure. I still think I did the right thing by leaving. For someone who has never taken the plane alone, stepped right out of my comfort zone, travelled all the way here not knowing what things are going to like (and still don't know), I think I did pretty okay. I've now flown alone from to San Francisco and back, to Munich, from Frankfurt to Rome, Rome to London, London to Barcelona and back. I can live alone, eat alone, take the bus/ train/ plane alone, and I am honestly okay with it all. One year ago if one tells me this is what I will be doing next year, I'd probably just laugh it off.

But now, I'm making huge plans for my own life for myself. I will go to Canada, to USA, back to Singapore, and then back to London next summer.

Journey to self discovery? It begins.