Honestly....

I absolutely appreciate the kind words. And I do agree, because yes, it's not like I don't want to be able to enjoy the finer things in life. And as proud as it sound, I do not stop to wonder at any point that I would not be able to.

I think I just know I will get there. Have that salary that nice home the 2 holidays per year that sound system that LCD tv everything that measures and shows off your wealth the husband the 7 seater car that 2 kids that condo the swimming lessons piano lessons ballet lessons. I don't think I will be able to escape if I decide to live here.

Eventually. Just not now. Not yet.

Please try to understand that there is no fixed definition or measurement of success. It's not like what you think is wrong. But it is not all right either. Just because I have graduated in 05, doesn't mean I am not successful because by now today, I have not yet gone into some management programme, nor have already been in a company for 1.5 years waiting to get my promotion (again) and pay rise (to match the SMU statistics of an average pay of $2,8k (and I should get even more than that because I graduated 1.5 yrs ago), nor am in some very niche financial sector and smiles on Straits Times and say, nah, I absolutely do not mind not having a life, work 15 hour a day, 6 days a week because I am a xxx of xxx and I am a success story your dad will show you and tell you, girl ah, next time must go SMU, see, like this jiejie lidat, can become xxx of xxx and make xx,xxx a year leh!

Of course, there'd be people who read this who will be thinking. Geez, sour grapes. Well, think what you want.

The wealth of my knowledge and the depth of my perspective in life is nothing you can match. Even though you have something fancy tagged to your name on your namecard, and I, I am just helping my ex boss work temporarily while waiting to go back to London to try to find a living, most likely also without anything fancy I can tag my name to, but I can tell you I am better off than you.

Because by the time I am back and start what you did 2 years earlier than I do, I have equipped myself with survival skills, having worked and lived in foreign land (shit job or otherwise), threw myself out in the open and forced myself to make friends with people who already have a very strong typecast about you because of the colour of your skin, (and perhaps even harder than being at school, for people at school tend to - correct me if I'm wrong - be a little more open about multi racial friends, and there is still the association that you all are in the same school) be more open about risk, and probably even having a different definition of risk than most of you. Because to most of you, risk is how much return you can get for that amount of money invested. Sure it means the same to me. But it also mean being able to survive in foreign land without any security. Meaningless risk, some people will say. For what? I can always go travel around Europe in luxury when I am filthy rich.

Of course you can. I will do that too, next time. But whether the risk I am taking is meaningless or not - is up to me. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I honestly like to listen to everyone because the differences in perspective about life is what makes us human beings unique and if you like, interesting. It's a touchy topic, almost as bad as trying to get money back from people.

The funniest thing is, if I tell that to an Australian or a Kiwi (half the population flocked to England to work in a ski resort/ wait tables for a year) or even an English (half the population flocked to Australia to live as a beach boy/ surfer for a year), they'd just shrug their shoulders and say,

oh c'mon there, you're not that special. this is no big deal, a lot of people here do this.

So, don't kick such a big fuss out of this. Just because Singaporeans typically don't do that, doesn't mean it's out of this world. People from other places do do that. It's normal. I mean, I'd come back. I have at least 30 years of working years to catch up with you. By then, I hope I can in my head (because I think it's nice to be humble) say I TOLD YOU SO.

Money cannot buy experience. I am happy to not make the XX,XXX you are making now. Because I eventually will.

I feel different. I feel better. I feel more alive. I feel more conscious about living. And I know that there is someone out there who will appreciate this difference in me. I think I have found him. Hopefully.

And seriously, that is all that matters to me.