Singapore, a very dangerous place

I have to write to my Aunt in Canada that I finally felt what she told me. The moment you get back to Singapore, it's simply too easy to fall right back into the Singapore mould.

Absolutely.

I have been convinced, till just a few days ago that perhaps everyone is quite right that I should just live with the fact that the fun is over and that I should, since I am now 25, be settled and with the job market looking so well now, be able to get a pretty good job with a decent pay. So why go back and risk not getting a job, not getting enough money to live? And I went, hmm, yah hor.

Plus, I have met someone. Someone my friends and family likes far more than any other boyfriends I had. And I like far more than any others too. Takes a lot for me to say this, for I have almost given up hope with boys at home. But he is my kinda guy and I am his kinda girl - where to find? So why go back and risk this failing? (To be honest, this is still my biggest fear)

Yet so many too many things have been going in my head. There is just a very annoying buzz that is lingering because I did not leave London thinking I was leaving for good. I left my stuff there, I did not say good bye properly - I said, see you next summer. I made 3 fantastic girlfriends from downunder who is there on the same dream as me, who stuck by me throughout my highs and lows in Zurich, who has been telling me they can understand if I don't come back, but will be really disappointed (in me?). And there is also Cui who I love and wants to go back to play with.

Singapore is a dangerous place where ideals get suppressed. How many boys have dreamt of being a footballer/ bballer/ sportsmen but gave it up? How many people dreamt of being a pop/ rock star but gave it up? Not because they are not good. How many people tried, and get boo-ed by their own fellowmen (aiya this one sure cannot make it big one lah)

I still love this place. It may not be perfect living, but at least it's interesting.

But for now, I think, I still need to go. The free spirit that allowed me to stand out even at the miserable height of 1.61m cannot be suppressed. For that is what makes me different, and while this differences is relative - I find this difference beautiful and strong.

Let me.